How many times in your life you have asked or been asked “Are you listening to me”?
The Greek philosopher Epictetus once said, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak,” and that sums up the importance of listening.
Listening is a skill that’s emphasised in life coaching study. In schools, we learn how to read and write, but are we ever truly taught how to listen?
In the book Coaching and Mentoring by Eric Parsloe and Monika Wray, they describe three distinct levels of listening:
1) Peripheral Listening – This is almost subconscious hearing, like when you’re in a noisy room or office and suddenly catch your name being mentioned. You’re aware of conversations but not fully engaged.
2) Apparent Listening – You may appear to be listening by showing external signs, but your mind is elsewhere, meaning you’re not fully focused on the conversation.
3) Active or Effective Listening – This is when you fully focus on what’s being said, why it’s being said, and even what’s left unsaid.
According to the Cambridge Dictionary, listening is defined as “to give attention to someone or something in order to hear him, her, or it.” This highlights an important distinction: hearing and listening are not the same.
So, what’s the difference between hearing and listening?
- Hearing is passive. It’s simply the act of perceiving sound as it enters your ears without any conscious effort.
- Listening is active. It involves focusing, understanding, and engaging with what’s being said, requiring attention and often empathy. Listening goes beyond words to grasp the underlying meaning.
In short, hearing happens automatically, while listening is a deliberate act. Listening helps us connect and understand others, whereas hearing is just receiving sound.
How can I improve my listening ?
To be a better listener, follow these steps:
1) Receiving the message
2) Understand the message
3) Check for clarity
4) Absorb the message
5) Transmitting your reply.
If you reflect on past conversations, how often have you skipped steps? How did that impact the outcome of those discussions?
In summary, if you want to improve your communication skills and relationships, developing the ability to truly listen is key. If you’d like to dive deeper into this topic, please GET IN TOUCH!
